Walking down the crowded walkway, I felt exhausted and tired, and I tried tracing what once made me laugh, the joy I hold within me that only I can experience, and that is strong enough to get me through the day.
Guess what came up, Paul?
Your laughter, along with its usual phrase of “God abeg,” overlapping with “I dey with you, of Living Stone.” memories...
It made me feel good, until I reminded myself that it was no longer meant to be something to cheer me up. It is now a memory, like every other memory. I need to let it be and let it go. I felt like ranting about my day, and I was also reminded that it is you I rant to.
Do I say I need someone to replace you? Or that I need someone, anyone, in my life? Or should I be independent?
I choose being independent.
But does being independent mean standing alone?
Because if I stand alone, then whenever someone comes, there is still a space for them. And because I am too independent to fill that space myself, I will miss the person when they leave.
What is really the balance in life?
I am so tired.
I can't wait to get over this phase.
Ethel, I love you. And I will always choose you.
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