Overcoming Belittling Experiences: A Personal Reflection

I was once close to a lady who suddenly began to belittle me, creating a clique to join in. I introspected to see if I had triggered this opposition, but found no fault on my part. Instead, I chose to focus on understanding their motivations.

The lady who initiated the drama had recently gotten married and now felt superior to unmarried women. Another lady came from a relatively affluent family, which seemed to fuel her sense of importance. A third lady, whom I deeply respected, had traveled abroad and now looked down on me. Upon deeper reflection, I realized that these women were intimidated by my confidence and self-worth.

The newly married lady couldn’t understand how I remained content with myself, focused on self-development rather than feeling pressured by marriage. How I perceive life is, whether married or not, if I fail as a person, then my existence on earth has no meaning. As young women, we must ask ourselves:

        Do we stop living as individuals with purpose just because we get married, have children, or grow older?

Absolutely not.

I understand by the constraint triangle, that life comes with changing constraints on time, resources, and scope. And these all shift as we transition through different phases; but our fundamental purpose remains the same. As a wise person once said, "You shouldn't lose your sense of purpose just because you got married to me." Therefore, many tops exist in life, and marriage is one of many and above all, one must live after marriage. There is therefore need to be self-aware and continuously develop ones self to remain relevant in life, career and the society.

For the lady from a comfortable family, she expected me to depend on her, to live in servitude, always seeking favours. I really wasn’t cut out to be that subservient as she expected of me because, My father raised all his children to be warriors. His voice echoes in my mind:

"Why borrow? What if that person never existed? You are not lazy, don’t be too lazy to think.  

(And he would later add)

“There is always a way."

There exists Trophy Queens/Women who organize and reflect other people’s hard work and diligence. 

AI image of a Trophy Queen

Whereas for me, I may appreciate and give people their due honour, but still, I am warrior queen.

Warrior Queens like myself, would often stand and fight for and earn what they deserve and want from life. 

I believe God created the human brain with excellence; capable of producing brilliant solutions, as long as we engage it. No one, no matter their position, should make me forget my identity and purpose. Knowing this fact would help:

’People will always try to exert dominion over you. While respect and honor are essential, we must never lose sight of who we are; our identity and purpose.’

As for the lady who had traveled abroad and looked down on me for being in Nigeria, I had to reflect. Nigeria is the only home I know, though it has its struggles.

But if people move abroad only to work extra hard, why not put that same effort into Nigeria, where your honor is strongest?

If we drain our ideas, resources, and skills into another man's land, who will develop ours? Will you ever stop being labeled an immigrant? Will you ever live without the fear of deportation or restrictive immigration policies?

Don’t get me wrong, I believe in development and progress. However, there must be a balance. We must contribute to the sustainability and growth of our own society instead of craving for an already established society intentionally made by its people.

                     

At the end of the day, this isn’t about these people; In fact, I hold no grudges against them. Rather, I recognize the ideology behind their actions. And what I see is,

‘Life is either trying to change me or sharpen my core values. How I respond is important, whether I allow myself to be broken or refined will depends on my perspective, resilience, and grit.’

Too many people give in to challenges, abandon their values, or sink into depression, never getting to experience the sharpened, stronger version of themselves. But standing firm through trials refines and solidifies our principles.

              

So, I just want to say to you: Don't give up on yourself. The next phase will be rewardingly exciting if you keep pushing forward!

For me, I want to appreciate CCi Akure for the Algorithm program, a heartfelt thank you to all the amazing speakers, and an extra special thanks to an incredible sister, Peace Odili, for her inspiring session.